why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
