i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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