so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
