I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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