could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
operation harelip BJ is a go
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Randomize
