why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
