4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
false alarm, still single
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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