Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
