I was born with a shot glass in my hand
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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