I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
3pm strippers are depressing
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
