so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
