you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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