Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
