Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
