and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
