New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
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