I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
