Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Randomize
