You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
