I must be too annoying 4 u.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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