What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
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