I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
did i walk over a car last night?
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
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