I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
