so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Randomize
