in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
