My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
