Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
