lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
