well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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