Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
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