I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
