i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize