she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
My liver just had a heart attack.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize