A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
