You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
