I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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