guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
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