my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
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