Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
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