i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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