you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
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