I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
