my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
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