she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
