sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Randomize
