The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
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