wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
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