he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize