I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Randomize
