Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
