I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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