I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I think pants incapable of making pants work
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
