one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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