dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
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