He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Congratulations! We have a period
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
