porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Randomize
