i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
