Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Randomize
