he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
