It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
