kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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