if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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