You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
