I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
