The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
What did we do last night that was yellow?
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Randomize
