I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
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