Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
I feel like death gave me a hand job
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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