a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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