My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
