Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Randomize
