Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Randomize
