do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Randomize