fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize