i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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