DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
